How a Negative Self Image Starts

Children who grow up in alcoholic or other types of dysfunctional homes are in a regular state of insecurity starting as infants when their natural cries for food, attention or comfort are met with hostility, rejection or just ignored. Babies do not know how to self-soothe and so the child adapts to make sense out of the situation.  The child begins to feel abandoned and scared and accepts this as normal feelings. Once this is engrained into the child’s subconscious it becomes the way of life for them. As adults they constantly create and recreate dysfunctional relationships that lack the love and comfort they deeply desire by mimicking the relationships established first with their parents.  Normal for them is not healthy or loving.

Some adult children of alcoholics grow up to feel that self-hate, violence and abuse are just normal parts of everyday life like eating and sleeping. They will see themselves as not worthy of love and affection and often times live in denial of these feelings.

Do you know someone that sabotages their life over and over?  Someone who seems to seek out problems and people who are bad for them? They might have grown up in an alcoholic home where they learned this behavior at a very early age. The patterns of dysfunction that result from a negative self image can become unbearable for the adult child and the people around them. Until they are aware of the situation there is no hope of breaking the awful cycle.

I grew up in a violent, alcoholic home where fear and insecurity began earlier than I can remember. I lived many years of my life looking for love and acceptance anywhere I could find it but always seemed to gravitate to dysfunction and abandonment. That is until I found the ACA program. Adult Children of Alcoholics 12 Step Program and support group helped me learn about family dysfunction and how it affects children from their very first days of life. I saw how abuse in my childhood affected my view of myself and the world and how I could shift the paradigm of how I viewed everything. With ACA, the 12 Steps and the healthy relationships I’ve gained since I started ACA I am thriving in life and able to give and receive love. By no means am I trying to imply that I am cured or 100% healed and healthy, I still have a lot of growth to do. Although I have not “arrived” I do have more peace in my life and for this I am extremely grateful.

If you would like to learn more about ACA or some other 12 Step Programs that can help people from dysfunctional families check out the 12 Step Programs page. You will find a brief list of programs that I have found to be helpful with links to their respective websites.

Tags: 12 step meeting, 12steps, aa, aca, acceptance, acoa, adult child, alanon, change, coda, codependency, denial, dysfunctional family, family dysfunction, featured, parents, personal growth, recovery, self help, sense of fear, support groups

Category: Adult Children of Alcoholics, Articles