What Makes a Family a Dysfunctional Family?

A Dysfunctional Family is a family that is not working properly or normal. By this definition you probably ask ‘What is normal?” In this article normal is what is considered healthy and reasonable. I will explain.

In a functional, healthy, or “normal’ family you will find respect between all the family members. The father treats the mother with respect and the mother treats the father with respect. Together they in turn display respect to their children who then treat each other with respect and when they don’t they are corrected respectfully by their parents. Because they show respect to each other there is a sense of safety that is created within the family making it stronger and giving each member a secure place to grow as an individual.

In a dysfunctional family respect is hardly ever found. There is usually a hierarchy of needs that determine who gets respect and who doesn’t. For example if the husband is drinking into the late hours of the night and has not called his wife there is worry and fear at the home. The children will feel and sense the fear in their mom and if this happens regularly it can cause a permanent sense of fear in the children.  This lack of respect damages the family unity and prevents personal growth from developing in the family members due to the strain and anxiety caused by fear. When a parent acts out with drugs or alcohol everyone in the family suffers.

Growing up we never knew if my father was coming home or not. And if he did we didn’t know which version would up. Would it be the funny happy daddy that would let you drink soda and eat ice cream after bed time or the raging monster who had to hit someone before bed. This drama was played out day after day after day. There was always a sense of worry and fear in the house as to when the next explosion would take place. Once the drama started it trumped everything else like eating meals, and sleeping. It created anxiety in all of us and an expectation that something bad was going to happen eventually.

Respect is only one of the principles that make a family functional and healthy. It’s the foundation for so many other principles such as accountability, freedom to express your feelings, and clear boundaries. Without respect in the home it is unlikely that a child can grow up to be a healthy and whole person who respects themselves and others.

Tags: alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholism, anxiety, coming home, damages, dysfunctional family, expectation, explosion, family dysfunction, family health, family members, featured, healthy family, hierarchy of needs, lack of respect, monster, personal growth, respect, secure place, sense of fear, soda

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