What should I include in my journal? Your journal should include any thoughts or feelings you may have at the time, negative or positive, as well as your thoughts about what is causing panic attacks, fear, or worry in your everyday life. If a particular situation triggered intense anxiety which prevented you from carrying out a task or interacting with another person, then include that as well, as it will help you to see exactly what about the occurrence caused you to become so overwhelmed. If you don’t feel like writing, then draw pictures or photos, or even clippings from magazines that reflect the way you feel. Also, focus on positive aspects of your life and try to understand what is keeping you from allowing you to be positive.

How often should I write in my journal? You should write a bit in your journal at least once a day, even if it’s just a line or two before you leave for work or after you eat dinner. Sit down in a nice, quiet place, and truly reflect upon your day and how you felt at different times throughout it. Try not to skip any days, if you can, and don’t feel as though you absolutely need to share it with anyone, unless you really want to. It’s your private journal, and should be kept away from prying eyes until you’re ready and willing to show it to a loved one or friend.

What are the benefits of journaling? Journaling will allow for you to look back at any given day and view what your thoughts were during that time period, which can be a great way to track your progress as you try to rid your life of anxiety. It’s also a wonderful form of therapy, as it enables you to get everything out and onto paper, rather than keeping it bottled up inside. Journaling can be a simple and effective way to relieve anxiety, without depending upon prescription drugs, and can be used in conjunction with therapy sessions to make them more beneficial and get you on the fast track to feeling healthy again.

Once I start saying out loud or internally I have to focus on what I am saying, even if I feel completely desperate and negative at first. By forcing myself to say positive things my minds focus starts to see my circumstance in a new way and it helps me process my feelings.

Here are a few that I find to be very helpful. I will sometimes print affirmations out and carry them in my pocket or email them to myself and keep on my Iphone for easy reading. When you grew up in a dysfunctional family you have to take steps to change your old patterns of thinking and positive affirmations have helped me a lot.

11 Affirmations to Help Get You Thinking Positive

1. I do not get where I want to go in one leap. I get there one step at a time
2. Love is never outside of myself, it is always within me
3. I am beginning to create a successful pattern now
4. I can only find out by trying
5. There is no limit to what I can accomplish if I know the direction I am going and am willing to make the effort
6. The more often I dare to go forward, even in the face of uncertainty, the more likely courage will become a habit for me
7. I will not settle for peace based on outward circumstances in my life
8. I can force myself to put one foot in front of the other and do what needs to be done
9. The only limitations I have are the ones I place on myself
10. I will take time to notice what’s right in myself, in others and in the world around me
11. I can forgive myself for what I have done wrong, what I have done badly and what I think I could have done better

Some of the typical characteristics of a person suffering with co-dependence may include:

• They are not conscious of how they feel
• They usually have trouble identifying their feelings.
• They have difficulty in expressing their feelings.
• They tend to minimize, alter or even reject the truth about how they feel.
• They give control over their own personal feelings to others.

Also, codependents generally:

• Are not aware of what they really want.
• Have difficulty in asking for what they really want.
• Are more concerned with what others want.
• Find it easier to ask what others want.
• Tend to put other people’s wants and needs before their own.
• Look to other peoples wants or desires in determining what to do or say.

It’s generally understood that we become codependent by living in dysfunctional families with rules that prevent personal development to some degree. The system is usually created by parents and relatives in response to some problem such as alcoholism, drug addiction,  mental illness or some other secret or problem. The dysfunctional system establishes rules that prevent healthy relationships and personal development emotionally and spiritually. Some of these general rules may include:

• It’s not okay to talk about problems
• Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself
• Communication is best if indirect
• Be strong, good, right, perfect
• Make us proud beyond realistic expectations
• Don’t be selfish
• Do as I say not as I do
• It’s not okay to play or be playful
• Don’t rock the boat.

Many families have one or more of these rules in place within the family. These kinds of rules can constrict and strain the free and healthy development of people’s self-esteem, and coping skills. As a result, children can develop dysfunctional behavior patterns, have problems solving challenges, and react to situations in adult life inappropriately. If not treated they will go on to repeat the cycle as adults.

CODA has one book approved for use as set literature in the organization, entitled Co-Dependents Anonymous.  In addition, there are several CODA-endorsed pamphlets and booklets including a workbook and a book of daily meditations.

There are several different types of CODA meetings and some of them include:

Speaker Meetings: This type of meeting features an individual story of recovery shared by one person. Speakers share their personal experience, strength, and hope in the program. The meeting may or may not include open sharing after the speaker, depending on the length of story shared.

Open Share Meetings: This type of meeting often has no topic or individual speaker, giving members an opportunity to share their experience, strength, and hope on their recovery as they wish.

Topic Share Meetings: This type of meeting opens with the facilitator or a member of the group suggesting a specific topic, i.e., the Steps, setting boundaries, sponsorship, etc. The facilitator will usually begin the sharing.

Step or Tradition Study Meetings: In this style of meeting, the group uses the Conference Endorsed CODA literature and or the CODA Book as a foundation for study, discussion, or sharing related to CODA’s Steps and or Traditions. For example: the group may elect to read a portion of this material out loud and then have an open sharing session.

If you or someone you know is suffering from codependency you can be encouraged because there is help available. There are many CODA meetings whose members have traveled a similar path ahead of you and while each person’s painful experience is unique, sharing in the pain and successes can be a tremendous healer. Even if you are not ready to share yet, you may find that outside support will be helpful later.

To find a CODA meeting in your area visit the CODA.org Meetings Page.

Do you know how elephants are trained when they are small in order to get them to behave when they become larger? A rope is attached to one of the baby elephant’s legs, and then this rope is attached to a wooden stake that is inserted into the ground. As the baby elephant begins to move around it is limited in it’s movements by the length of the rope. The baby elephant can try to break free but the rope is too strong. Of course once the elephant is fully grown the rope is no match for it’s size and strength. However the elephant based on what it was taught believes that it cannot break the rope and therefore stays within the boundaries that it has always known. The elephant truly believes that it cannot break the rope and therefore it can’t. Those of us that come from places of abuse are no different in the ways that we think. We truly believe something because it was always the case growing up, so it must be true now right?

By allowing the strongholds from your dysfunctional family to play a role in the way you think today empowers them. By listening to and following the words of my alcoholic father still gives him power in my life. But just like the baby elephant we have been conditioned over years to believe that we are nothing. That we can never measure up. That we can never be good enough no matter how hard we try. These strongholds are deep rooted, but not impossible to remove.

First we need to understand what a stronghold is in order to remove it from our mindsets. Strongholds are repeated thoughts that have rooted themselves and now reside in your mind. They are inherently present and over time have taken up a great deal of your thinking real estate. I am sure you have heard that what you think about yourself is what you will become, but it goes far beyond that. What you think is your life! That’s right, what you think is in fact your life. This is how it works;

• Your thoughts dictate your emotions.
• Your emotions create your actions.
• Your actions form into habits.
• Your habits form the type of person you are or your character.
• Your character forms your experiences.
• Your experiences form your life.

For example, if your alcoholic parent never gave you positive affirmations but instead told you over and over that you were stupid. Those words would begin to produce what you thought about yourself. Because of what you think you now feel stupid. Feeling a certain way is an emotion and now this emotion will begin to dictate how you act. You may be afraid to speak in public in fear that you may say or do something stupid. This action can easily become a habit because over time you are less likely to move through this fear and perform the action. Your habits of course form the type of person that you become, which creates your experiences and those experiences are what make up your life experiences or in short your life.

We can change our life by first changing our thoughts. Uproot all of those strongholds in your mind and replant positive thoughts. It may seem like a long, hard process, but it does not have to be. Just like your lawn in the backyard, you need to weed out the bad and plant new seed to have the life you truly want to have. I know it sounds crazy to some people but repeatedly saying positive affirmations to myself has helped me a lot. Sometimes I don’t feel positive but if I force myself to say things like

• I am a wonderful person
• I accept myself just as I am
• I deserve to be happy and healthy
• I am fun to be around

After a while the affirmations seem to get down into a deeper part of me and I start to believe them. When you truly accept yourself and believe that you are lovable the world really changes and miracles start to happen.

It was a cold but sunny fall morning. One of those mornings that as a child you can’t wait to wake up, devour breakfast and head out to bask in the luminescence from the brightest star in the sky. Only to retreat indoors within a half of an hour’s time realizing that it is much too cold even for an eight year old bundled in his warmest coat. It’s strange because I remember that day as if it were only yesterday. It was the day I thought my Mother had gone crazy.

It was a normal Saturday like most others besides the fact that I had a friend over to spend the night. See this was a rare event in my household growing up. My alcoholic father never used to allow our friends to spend the night. I am able to count on a single hand the number of times I had friends stay over during my entire sentence at my parent’s house, also known as the gateway to hell. In lieu of a party for my birthday, I opted to have a friend stay overnight. My Father didn’t have to buy a birthday cake or spend money on a party. He wasn’t thrilled about it but having two small boys running around the house in exchange for 20 party kids running around the house he found more than tolerable. Since it was much too cold outside we came in and decided to play video games instead. After about a hour of gaming my Mother came running out of my parents bedroom yelling, “I can’t breathe…I can’t breathe!” You can only imagine the terror that must have been on our faces. This was my first exposure to one of my Mom’s anxiety attacks.

Living in a home where the effects of alcoholism ran rampant it was difficult for me to see the affects that it had on my co-dependent Mother and in turn her influence on me. My Mother would be what you would call an enabler. Often times she would be the one going to the store to restock the endless supply of alcohol that was needed in our house. She often had to be the in between for my Father and us kids. As a child growing up I used to really dislike my Mom because I always believed that she often took his side and allowed him to do the things that he did to all of us. It was not until much later in life that I realized that the co-dependent role my Mother chose to play was more of a defensive posture than an offensive one as I always thought. See codependency is really a battle that is fought within ourselves. It really leaves the co-dependent person feeling confused and unaware of who they really are. My Mother spent a large part of my childhood playing a role that was not really who she wanted to be. Let me explain it in another way. When soldiers are sent off to war they are devoid of all feelings and emotions in order to survive the ordeal that they are going through. For a co-dependent person this is often the case as well.

The anxiety attacks that my Mom suffered from and the same type of anxieties that I would later suffer from also was in direct relation to my Father’s alcoholism. Both of us were trying to release pinned up emotions that had been suppressed for many years. We both were forced to believe that what we were experiencing was somehow not reality. We had to deny that her husband, my Father, was a mean, overbearing alcoholic.

At first glance anyone could easily find fault in my Mothers choice to play a co-dependent role in our family, but you see that is because you are assuming that she had a choice. Now that I am all grown up and can see the world through a different set of eyes, I am able to see that her position was anything but a choice. It was survival in its purest form. My battle tested Mother went through as many wars as I had if not more. Every day was new adventure of just trying to make it though the not so friendly fire.

The road to recovery for the co-dependent begins with making healthier choices. For most co-dependent people they tend to recycle their relationships and the problems with them, by choosing to be with the same type of people over and over. They tend to have relationships that are toxic and believe them to be the norm. This is also an issue for children growing up in homes of an abuser. This can be substance, alcohol or physical. Either way once the co-dependent person sees value in themselves then true healing can begin.

One of the ways I began to see value in myself was by attending Al-Anon meetings and ACA meetings. They have both become safe havens for me to express myself with people who can truly understand me.  If you have never been to a support group meeting I really encourage you to try one out.  Check out the FIND A MEETING page for a short list of links to meetings.

Strength and hope are two of the main topics in the discussions led in support groups around the country. Whether you are a serious drinker or you’ve been affected by someone with a codependency, you can get the support that you need by going to these meetings. Once you’re at the meeting, there’s no one to tell you what to do or what to think.

The whole basis of the program is support. People will share stories of their dysfunctional family, how alcohol has affected their relationships and how following the 12-step process of Al-Anon has helped them. It is one of the best groups around as a way for people to overcome their issues and get on the road to recovery.

One of the main parts about Alanon is that it is completely anonymous. No one is there to call you out or to remind you about your commitments or anything like that. It’s all about sharing and bonding over a common theme: living with serious drinkers. Alcoholism is a disease that needs to be treated; it’s not something that’s just going to go away.

By learning a higher level of understanding and acceptance, people can enjoy the benefits of the support group wholeheartedly. Many healthcare professionals also recommend Alanon and their 12 steps because it coincides well with other forms of therapy and treatment. Ultimately, serious drinkers and their families need to know that they are not the only ones dealing with these problems.

There are millions of people dealing with an alcoholic in one aspect of their life or another. It can be one of the hardest things to deal with and overcome, however it can be very helpful and therapeutic to open up and talk about it in a forum that won’t judge and can have similar stories to relate to.

Support groups have been a popular form of therapy for many years and Al-Anon is one of the best in the country because of the 12 steps that they have identified. This becomes everyone’s mantra to get through the day, through the week and through their lives. A support group for alcoholics and dysfunctional families may be the way for you to take control of your life and there’s probably a meeting somewhere near where you live.

To find an Alanon meeting in your area click here to visit the al-anon meeting page at http://www.al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html . Select your state and then you will be brought to a regional alanon webpage related to your area. There you will find Alanon meetings in your town or area.

How many times have we responded to our dysfunctional family members in anger and rage because of what they have done? I know that I have yelled and screamed and said awful things to my family after they have done something I resented or hurt me in some way. If I am honest I have to admit that my emotionally charged responses never helped the situation and it often made it worse.

Al-Anon reminds us that alcoholics have a disease. When I remember that my brother has the disease of alcoholism I can look at him differently than when I perceive him as purposely acting abusive towards me. To see someone as suffering from a disease really changes the way in which we see them. Can you ever imagine screaming at someone to hurry up who has Parkinson’s disease?

COME ON JACK hurryyyyyyy!!!!! You’re making us late!!! Why do you always do this to me!!!

That idea is crazy but isn’t that what we sometimes do to our alcoholic family or loved ones? We easily forget that they have the disease of alcoholism and treat them like villains willfully trying to destroy our lives.  Thank God for programs like Al-Anon and ACOA to help us get our thoughts and perceptions right again.

I often read One Day at a Time in Al-Anon and it really helps me get a fresh perspective on my thoughts and behavior. It’s a small, blue, hard cover book with a different reading for each day of the year. At the end of the book it also includes The Serenity Prayer, The Slogans of Al-Anon, the Twelve Steps, and the Twelve Traditions.

You can get the book quickly on Amazon.com

Melody Beattie really understands abuse and suffering and has a unique way of expressing the very thoughts that so many of us have had but are unable to express clearly.  She has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child.  She has written 15 books which have been published in twenty languages. She has also written hundreds of articles for newspapers and magazines. Melody has even been featured on TV shows like Oprah and national publications such as Time, and People.

Melody describes herself very humbly on her website at http://melodybeattie.com/

They call me a self-help writer, but I’m not an expert or a guru.  I don’t give medical, psychiatric, or legal advice. I research, and then combine personal experience with what the experts say.  Then I turn that into easy stories for people to watch or read. Sometimes I show people how others (and I) work through certain issues and I suggest options, but I don’t tell people what to do.  I tell them they can do it, instead (a practice referred to as empowerment or permissions therapy.) 

If you have not read “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie yet I really encourage you to get a copy right away. It is one of the best books I have ever read and it has helped me understand myself in ways I was never conscious of before. I have gotten into the habit of ordering a few copies every year to give as gifts to people I meet along my journey. You can order the book easily at Amazon.com.
Melody Beattie – Codependent No More

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

You can click on the book cover picture or link above to view Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie on Amazon.com.

When it comes down to it by all accounts Tim Tebow is a simple man, which you would never know based on all of the negative and positive chatter that surrounds his every move.  Part of the reason why Tim’s name initiates such emotion is the two things he is mainly associated with, football and religion, are two subjects that for Americans are at the core of a lot of their lifestyles.  Football is by far and away the most popular American sport and Tebow is its most polarizing figure with the unconventional way of playing the games most popular position of quarterback.  The subject of religion sparks emotion in every walk of life so the fact that he displays his religious beliefs so openly both on and off the field just adds to the powder keg that is the Tim Tebow Effect.

Tim came into the American consciousness for the first time when he joined the University of Florida Gators football team in 2006 as a highly recruited quarterback.  Right away in his first season at Florida, although he was the backup quarterback to senior Chris Leak, Tebow played a key role on the Gators national championship team. During his freshman campaign is when the criticism regarding his throwing motion and effectiveness was criticized for the first time.  This would also be the first instance where we would also see the young Tebow’s response to such criticism.  Instead of snapping back at the doubters Tim worked hard in the offseason and let his play do the talking.

In his first season as a full time starter in 2007 he not only exceeded expectations, but had one of the best individual seasons any player has ever had in the history of college football.  His totals that season were absolutely staggering: 55 total touchdowns (32 passing and 23 rushing) while throwing just 6 interceptions in 14 games.  Not bad for a guy who supposedly couldn’t throw, huh?  The icing on the cake came in December of 2007 when Tebow was named the winner of the Heisman Trophy and in the process becoming the first sophomore to win the prestigious award.

In the final two seasons at Florida Tim would quarterback the Gators to their only undefeated season in school history and another national championship during the 2008 season as well as ending his career with a stellar 2009 senior year.  He left Florida as arguably the greatest college football player in history yet the doubters started up again and questioned whether he could be effective as a quarterback at the professional level.

What these so called experts never took into effect are qualities you cannot quantify: heart and determination.  Tebow prepared for the NFL draft evaluation period with the same vigor he showed during his college career, and also consistent with his college career Tim was not asking for all of this attention and did nothing to egg it on.  It was unclear not only as to where Tim would be drafted in the 2010 NFL Draft, but as to how NFL teams viewed him in general.  You want to talk about polarizing?  Some teams didn’t even think Tim was even a somewhat viable option as a quarterback and actually considered drafting him as a tight end.  There was one team and one coach particular who saw Tebow for exactly what he was.  The coach was Josh McDaniels and the team was the Denver Broncos.

McDaniels traded up to draft Tebow in the first round with the 25^th pick overall came under intense scrutiny.  Almost instantly again without him seeking it out Tim would be criticized heavily for his draft position.  Unfortunately, after a disastrous 2010 Broncos season McDaniels would be fired and replaced with coaching veteran John Fox.

As the Broncos 2011 training camp started much debate swirled as to who the Broncos starting quarterback would be.  There were two clearly defined points of view:  the fans that looked at Tim Tebow as a cult figure who could do no wrong and a coaching staff along with most of the media who questioned whether Tebow could ever fit the cookie cutter notions of what a quarterback “should be.”

Later in the 2011 season Tebow would be named starting quarterback when the team got off to a 1-4 start. Many people were of the thinking that since the team was not headed anywhere special starting him was a way to appease fans and show them that he was not the long-term solution at the quarterback position for the Broncos.  As you might expect Tim, in albeit a very unorthodox manner, took full advantage of his opportunity to once again prove his critics wrong.  He would not only lead the Broncos to the NFC West division title, but would be the most talked about players in the league.

It was time for his naysayers to eat some crow and for his supporters to rejoice.  There were people on both ends of the spectrum at first, but as the remarkable Tebow led the Broncos to comeback victory after comeback victory more people began to believe there was some divine intervention at play.  This is where his religion became polarizing Tebow Topic #2.

After all of these late game heroic touchdowns the indelible image played over and over on every sports highlight show was Tebow in full prayer kneel after each and every score.  This gave all of the Tebow haters yet another baseless way to knock the southpaw quarterback.  Yet while even opponents would mock him in the middle of the game in some instances Tim kept his mind on the straight and narrow.

Never was this focus displayed on a greater stage than when the Broncos, coming off three straight losses, were to host the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC Wild Card round of the playoffs.  Not only did Vegas install the incumbent AFC champion Steelers as a double digit favorite, but many thought the matchup of a hard-hitting Steelers defense and a young Tebow playing in his first playoff game would be simply too much for even the great Tebow to overcome.  Against all odds Tim had his best game as a pro on that day passing for a career high 316 yards and 2 touchdowns, one of which was an 80-yard overtime touchdown pass to Demaryius Thomas to win the game.  The aforementioned play and euphoria that followed was no questions asked the single greatest play in the entire 2011 NFL season.

The following week the Broncos would be throttled by the far superior New England Patriots, with Tebow not having his best game.  This again gave fodder for all of the sports talk radio shows around the country in the offseason as a way for them to stir the Tebow pot.  Can he duplicate this year’s success?  Was he just a one-hit wonder?  Will the Broncos finally have enough confidence in him to stamp him as the full time starter?

Time will tell the answers to all of those questions.  What we do know however is that Timothy Richard Tebow will continue to live his life based on the fundamental building blocks that have made him the great man he already is at such a young age.  We also know from a pretty good track record of proof is that when anything about Tebow is put into question it is probably a pretty good bet he will rise above it and come out on top.

My journey from a state of unconsciousness to the transition of being awake is greeted by the muffled sounds of two people arguing. As I slowly begin to open my unfocused eyes I can begin to see miscellaneous shapes within my bedroom. I can start to make out the decorations and space ship posters that cover the walls. There was one in particular that I was very fond of because of it’s super sonic speed. I would imagine that I could fly away in that spaceship. Fly away to a place far, far away from where I was. My imaginary trip was abruptly interrupted by the sound of breaking glass. If I was not fully awake as of yet the sounds of breaking dishes assured me that I was not longer dreaming. No a dream would not be an accurate description of my household growing up. A living hell would be a better depiction of my childhood home environment. See this was nothing new, but more of what was the norm while living in my alcoholic father’s home.

It is estimated that at any given time, around 13% of the population will suffer from an anxiety disorder of one kind or another. This number greatly increases when we start talking about those that grew up in a home with alcoholic family member and surely even more so when we drill down to an alcoholic father in the home. National Association for Children of Alcoholics reports that almost one in five adult Americans (18%) lived with an alcoholic while growing up.

In the past, psychologists who studied the development of children would mainly focus on the child’s relationship with their mother’s role in nurturing, but with recent studies most would agree that the father also plays are larger role in a child’s development in this area. This was not a major discovery for those of us that grew up with an alcoholic father. See the words nurturing and father are seldom used in  the same sentence when we are asked to describe our fathers. This is because in most cases terms like ”I love you”, “You did a great job”, “Come give your Father a hug” are replaced with “I wish you were never born”, “You always screw something up” and “Get out of here”. Growing up hearing words of hurt instead of positive affirmations can greatly affect ones view of themselves as well as the rest of the world.

Children of alcoholics are often affected by their dysfunctional up bringing long after they have left the home. This is most noticeable through anxiety. For some of us when we think of anxiety this means panic attacks and possible uncontrolled behavior. This is not always the case. Anxiety is a complicated general term which includes many disorders which cause fear, nervousness, apprehension, and often times worrying. These disorders range from mild to debilitating and can affect how we feel and behave on a daily basis. A fear of being criticized or a constant need of approval and affirmation can be signs of anxieties from growing up with an alcoholic Father. A need for positive affirmation that you did not receive growing up or an anxiety about be criticized often stems from some form of abuse, verbal, emotion or otherwise. The need to be perfect can also be an anxiety from living in a home with an alcoholic father. This is because even as adults we know that one screw up or even just one part of a job that we are doing goes wrong, then the alcoholic of our childhood might explode in anger. This deep-rooted fear can often time last a lifetime.

This however does not mean that you have to live with these anxieties. You can lower your levels of anxiety and fear by following these tips.

• Stay in the present – Anxiety is often caused by what we fear is going to happen. Try to focus on the task at hand and not focus too much on the future or your past for that matter.
• Know the facts – Uncertainty is a key factor in most anxiety. It is this fear of the unknown that can be demobilizing for most of us. This fear of not knowing the outcome of a situation is often fueled by a lack of facts. So do your fact finding to avoid this anxiety from appearing.
• Watch your mindset – Keep a watchful eye on what your own thoughts are telling you. A great way to keep our minds off of worry is to focus our thoughts on things that are good, beautiful, and positive. Allow you to dream, wish, and imagine the best that could happen. What you think is what you are, so be positive.
• Quality sleep – If you aren’t consistently getting enough good, solid sleep then you will be short on energy and open to stress. Stress is a direct route to anxiety so make sure you get plenty of restful sleep to keep those stresses at bay. This is probably the biggest stressor and anxiety causer for me. When I am sleeping regularly my overall healthy is much better.

Self empowerment is the first step to recovery for the alcoholic and the children of alcoholics alike. The process of recovery is just that, a process. This means that chances are you will always be a recovering child of an alcoholic father and that it can be a lifelong process. The key is to focus on the process itself and not necessarily the end result. Fighting off those demons of your past can not only become rewarding, but actually become something that you look forward to conquering. And who knows maybe you can even start a website to help others start the process of recovery?

If you have never been to a 12 Step Support Group meeting I encourage you to check one out. It has really helped me a lot and enabled me to meet many people who truly understand me. You can check out the Find a Meetings page to find a meeting in your area.

How anxiety can damage your career. It can be challenging to focus on the work at hand if anxiety is effecting your mental processes. Often anxiety can cause such an overwhelming sense of fear or worry, that all one can think about are those negative emotions and thoughts. The possibility of achieving your professional goals and dreams, such as running your own company or getting that big promotion, will tend to always be out of reach if your work cannot be carried out properly and without the errors for which anxiety can cause. In addition to this, some sufferers of anxiety find it hard to be around groups of people or are always afraid that they will fail or let others down, which can prevent them from truly obtaining professional success. Not to mention that the symptoms of anxiety alone can be embarrassing, such as excessive perspiration or becoming physically ill due to the build up of stress.

How anxiety can damage your relationships. Those that suffer from anxiety can be difficult to be around. Their irrational worry or fear may make others feel uncomfortable or feel anxious themselves. Therefore, many people will stray away from anxiety sufferers or avoid them entirely in social situations. Also, anxiety can prevent you from even coming in contact with new people in the first place. This makes it difficult to achieve personal goals and dreams, such as starting a family or having children, due to the fact that anxiety prevents those that have it from being themselves in public or striking up a conversation with someone who could very well be a future friend or mate. Someone who was once an energetic, social butterfly, could very easily avoid being out with friends or social events if they are experiencing anxiety. Thus, the dreams and goals they once had for themselves have been put on hold indefinitely.

Anxiety can prevent you from reaching your goals and dreams because the fear it produces essentially takes over your life from the inside out. I personally know just how crippling anxiety can be. If you are someone you know is showing symptoms of anxiety, it’s best to schedule an appointment with a trained professional to help them overcome this life altering psychological condition. I also recommend checking out a 12 step support group to connect with other people who will understand what you’re going through. The 12 Step Programs page describes a few groups that I have found to be very helpful.

As an addict one of the hardest things for me to do was to stop hanging out with my drug buddies and drinking friends when I decided I had enough and wanted to get sober. This was one of the biggest challenges I faced during my road to recovery. I even got a new cell phone and moved to a different area to help me feel like I was “starting new”.  A structure of a house is only as strong as its foundation, it is important to rebuild as best you can from the inside out.

2. Re-establish positive relationships

Build back your foundation with positive reinforcement that you have denied to yourself and loved ones. I used to cut out those who were genuinely concerned about my well being and cared about me. I thought they were trying to control my life when they were just trying not to see me falter and go down a dangerous path. When you stop abusing drugs or alcohol and are able to think more clearly, you will see these people only had your best interest in mind. Don’t be afraid or intimidated to reconnect with those you have pushed aside in the past; you will find true friends and family will always be there to listen, support your recovery and welcome you back into their life.

3. Keep busy

Rediscovering or finding new hobbies that you enjoy can play an integral part in the restoration of your true self. Listening to music, cooking, playing some video games and exercising are some methods I use to keep my head clear and focused. I discovered a new hobby of painting with oil pastels that allowed me to express my emotions in a different but positive way.

4. Be able to forgive yourself

Recovery is not a process that happens overnight and there were times I have slipped up while trying to get sober. It is easy to get stuck back into a self-defeating mindset and to give up.  Do not quit if this happens to you, it is important to forgive yourself and remember that you are only human. Recovery is a learning process and it is key to be proud of yourself for making the right choice and for wanting to make a positive change.

5. Find support groups in your area or online

A home base of support whether it is attending weekly meetings or posting on a supportive web forum was extremely helpful to me. It is easy to fall back into the “oh woe is me” routine and think you are the only one struggling. To share personal stories with others about the vicious cycle of addiction and ways to overcome it could be an integral part in your overall recovery. This can help you develop a new positive base of friends and allows you to have accountability for your actions. Remember, you are not the only one and we are all in this together.

ME: Hi I saw your ad online and would like to get some more info about your services

Mr. SPAMMER: What keywords you want?

ME: Ummm what do you mean?

Mr. Spammer: What you website about? What keywords you want to spam I mean email people about?

ME: Oh I see. Well my website is about family dysfunction and trying to bring help, hope and humor to people who grew up in dysfunctional families.

MR. SPAMMER: Ok I can get you 9 million emails send out 3 days good list for ED – Erectile Dysfunction.

ME: What?

MR. SPAMMER: Yes its very good list. Lots of guys need your information and many many will click on your email and visit your site.

ME: I’m sorry I think you misheard me. My site is about Family Dysfunction not ED.

MR. SPAMMER: I can add 1 million to your order for $9.00. That is 10 million emails send out for your website in 3 days. You want to pay with credit card or with Paypal?

ME: I will have to get back to you. Thanks for your help. Bye

Today I pledge to never send out 10 million emails to guys about ED to get visitors to this site. That is so wrong and manipulative. I have no respect for spammers and I personally can’t stand all the Viagra spam I get in my hotmail account. So I pledge to only spam email you about things related to our recovery community! Thank you for your support!

“Cash donations are good too – C’mon your money will not be good anyway so grab some of that stash you have put aside and send some my way – you know I will put it to good use and buy what I need after all wont you feel safer knowing that there is a safe place for you to come with your loved ones?”

I emailed the poster asking where I should send the guns and money to but I still have not heard from him. But I am so thankful that mr. craigslist poster has brought the Zombie Apocalypse to our attention and brought a troubled smile to my face!
Below is a screenshot of the original post. Enjoy!

Type of Business:
Comedian Network

Website:
www.RecoveryComedy.com

Contact Person:
Rich Stimbra

About Recovery Comedy

I recently spoke with Rich Stimbra from RecoveryComedy.com and I must say Rich is a really nice guy and has a heart to help people in the recovery community as well as comedians.

Rich has been booking comedy shows since 2001 and the shows have been mostly corporate comedy shows, private parties and restaurants.  He also has a business for non-recovery shows which you can find at http://www.sfccentertainment.com.

Rich told me that through the course of booking shows, more and more recovery events would come up until about half of my business was recovery related.  I saw that there was a need for more comedy that was recovery based and I didn’t see anyone out there trying to connect comedians in recovery to potential organizers of events.  I launched the site in 2008 and we’ve been booking recovery comedians for recovery events ever since.

People find our website and browse the comedians and let us know who they would like to have at their event or if they would like, we also act as a consultant putting together the right comedian to the right event based on the client’s needs and budget.  Our goal is to bring a bit of joy to something that can be very depressing.  Our comedians share their stories of recovery in a funny way that others can relate to.  When someone can find the humor in something that was once very painful that is a sign that real healing has taken place.

I asked Rich if he had any advice for aspiring comedians and I thought his advice was brilliant. He told me how important it is for new comedians to start performing at a safe place so they can develop their material. Apparently all comedians bomb when they first start out and if it happens at an abusive or traumatizing location you’ll probably become discouraged and stop writing and developing your material. But if you can start out at a place that offers comedy workshops or training you will have the safe atmosphere needed to fall on your face but not be tormented by the experience.

Recovery Comedy is a great business and is bringing hope to many people from very painful experiences. I encourage you to check out the website at http://recoverycomedy.com

You can like the Recovery Comedy Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/recoverycomedyfans

You can follow Recovery Comedy on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/recoverycomedy

We need not live as victims any more
I is the loneliest of all the words:
While growing up, all that I had was me.
I fin’ly realized that there were herds
Who shared my pain: my “I” became a “we.”

We, alcoholics’ adult children, are
Not alone; together we can stand tall.
Many of us have grown and come quite far
From the circumstance that unites us all.

We need not live as victims any more,
We’re not to blame for who our parents were;
In looking at our futures, what’s in store
Will be so great once that we all concur.

We need not live to please all of the time,
The joy that comes through “We” can be sublime.

Co-dependency is a condition that many people from dysfunctional families develop when they are children. Co-dependency is a dysfunction that stems from focusing on the needs and behaviors of others while neglecting their own needs and inner child. The Co-dependent usually turns over responsibility for their life and happiness to another person. They will only feel happy or whole when the person of their preoccupation is fulfilling their needs.

This dysfunction is learned when their observations, feelings and reactions in the home are invalidated or repressed by family members. This usually begins with a family secret like alcoholism or drug abuse and starts the process of denying the truth and eventually we learn to invalidate our self because of this. We learn to stuff our feelings and repress our inner self over and over until we become emotionally numb. Once this occurs we are unable to grow emotionally or spiritually. We are unable to complete healthy grieving over normal losses and become stuck and chronically depressed. We may fight this condition with compulsive behavior to get some relief but it only becomes destructive to others and ourselves. With failed attempts to relieve ourselves from the emptiness and hurt we usually try to control situations and people in an attempt to control the pain in our life. Again this is destructive to ourselves and to others and hinders authentic intimate relationships.

Co-dependency started early in my home due to the unpredictable behavior of my alcoholic father. We never knew if he was going to be a silly clown or a raging lunatic whenever he would come around. This created a chronic sense of fear in our family, like we were walking on eggshells. We were basically waiting for the next episode of drunken violence to start. My father’s unpredictable behavior created regular and repeated crises which became a normal way of life for us.  My mother would always respond afterwards by telling me not to tell anyone about the episode and that everything was actually ok. This denial of my observations about what happened and repressing my feelings of fear and worry created a sense of being completely out of control. To me this is the worst feeling to have because you feel like everything is in jeopardy including my own sanity. Thankfully through recovery I can see that my mother was a product of her own dysfunctional childhood home and was simply repeating the behaviors she grew up learning. The sad part is that she still denies there is any problem.

Did you grow up in a dysfunctional family and wonder if you might be co-depenedent? Here are a few questions to ask yourself.

• Do you stay quiet to avoid arguments?
• Are you always concerned about others opinions of you?
• Are the opinions of others more important than your own opinion of yourself?
• Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
• Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
• Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?

If you answered yes to the questions above you may not necessarily be co-dependent but there is obviously the possibility. But please remember that only a qualified professional can make a proper diagnosis of co-dependency. Not everyone experiencing these symptoms necessarily suffers from co-dependency.

CODA – Co-Dependents Anonymous is a 12 Step Program and Support Group whose purpose is to develop healthy relationships. You can learn more at http://CODA.org

If you think you may be codepened I encourage you to attend a CODA meeting in person. You can find meetings in your area at the CODA.org meeting page.

One of the books that have helped me IMMENSELY is Dr. Whitfields “Healing the Child Within”. The book was originally published in 1987 but I did not discover it until 2009. The information Dr. Whitfield provides in his book is timeless. The book is a must read for anyone who is struggling with their own repressed inner child and critical false self. It will help you understand what is going on inside you and why you act the way you do at times.

You can buy the book online at the iBookstore or Amazon.com.

You can click the buttons below to purchase this book for your iphone or ipad at the iBookstore or have it delivered from Amazon.com

Featured Artist:
Jessica Packer

Type of Art:
Pattern Art

Website:
www.jesspacker.com

Artist Bio:
by Jessica Packer

My work is all about afflictions I have experienced throughout my life. Mainly, it revolves around Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Crohn’s Disease, which is when ulcers form on the intestines – creating an incredible pain that can last hours.

The way I have dealt with any illness in my life, is to create a visual for it. By being able to confront something physically rather than mentally, it makes me feel less fearful of what is going on in my body and more in control of myself.

This also lead to my work as a Textile Designer. I use the action of creating patterns and textiles as a sort of way to relax my mind and body. By tuning myself into my work, focusing on precision and color, it allows myself to experience a sort of meditation while creating beautiful pieces.

By educating others on an emotional level, I feel much less isolated when going through these experiences. Much of the fears that surround these illnesses stem from solitude, so I like to expand on that in many of my pieces by experimenting with entrapment. Whether it be physical or emotional.

Although I grew up in a dysfunctional family I found peace through doing art about stability – mainly in patterns. Today, I am surprisingly thankful for my childhood and family I have, because although I did not grow up unscathed, they ultimately helped me find my true passion in life. Now, my entire work is about dealing with GAD and Crohns Disease, and trying to show others who do not have either a way to understand the diseases without actually experiencing it themselves.

In his bestselling book, Dr. Whitfield describes the journey of discovery and healing our fears, confusions and unhappiness. This book starts where many others describing adult children of alcoholics have left off. It also describes and develops the concept of adult children of troubled or dysfunctional families in general, rather than focusing only on the alcoholic family. Members of Twelve-step Self-help groups and Adult Children Self-help groups will find this book especially useful in their own recovery work, both within and outside of their meanings.

I CAN NOT RECOMMEND THIS BOOK ANY HIGHER  - Highest Rating – 5 Stars *****

From a customer on Amazon.com
After a tumultuous adolescence and early adulthood I found myself in therapy. My therapist recommended that I attend a self-help group for adult children of dysfunctional families. The therapist also suggested that I read “Healing the Child Within”. I didn’t think I needed any self help group -at least not badly enough to go through the trouble of actually finding such a group in my area. After being in therapy for one year I read “Healing the Child Within”… I can honestly say that this book changed my life in a very profound way.

You can click the buttons below to purchase this book for your iphone or ipad at the iBookstore or have it delivered from Amazon.com

You may like the article “What is the Inner Child?”  where I reference Dr. Whitfield’s book a few times.